Hard Ticket To Hawaii: A Movie I Must Re-Watch

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 13, 2010 by johnkaryus

I saw Hard Ticket To Hawaii. I was 14 or 15 I think, on late night cable.

I remembered more or less enjoying it, but didn’t really remember it being crazy or weird in any way.

And then I saw this clip floating around the internet the other day:

I looked through the comments…what movie was this from? I had to see it!!! Well according to those bozos, it’s Hard Ticket To Hawaii. That was One Minute and Fifty Seconds of pure gold…can’t wait to see what else I didn’t remember!

Max Headroom Invades Doctor Who!!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 4, 2010 by johnkaryus

Why did I not hear of this til now? A pirate video broadcast of a wacky Max Headroom guy breaks into the middle of a Dr. Who Telecast?

Local News:

National News:

And the ORIGINAL prank!

Enjoy!

One of the Greatest Prank Phone Calls of All Time!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on March 31, 2010 by johnkaryus

Doing my last entry, I was reminded of this prank clip. It combines two of my favorite things: Prank Phone Calls and Public Access Television!!

They really get this guy. Sounds like a group of high school kids, or maybe a college dorm floor. They relentlessly prank this guy…and he holds his composure rather well.

Wonder if he’s still doing this show? Wonder if kids are still calling him???

Looks Like Chocolate, Tastes Like Shit!!!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 31, 2010 by johnkaryus

Now everything STEAMING WOLF PENIS ever recorded is yours for FREE!!! Simply go to that MySpace I just linked, and click where is says HERE!!!!

What, you never heard of STEAMING WOLF PENIS?!?!?! They are a coo-coo crazy three piece band from the Seattle area consisting of a metalhead/hippy looking guy, a sort of ironic normal looking guy, and a fucked-up monster. The fucked-up monster is named “Jerkbeast“, and resembles a constipated vampire version of H.R. Pufnstuf.

Now you can own, free of charge, such classics as “Looks Like Chocolate, Tastes Like Shit”, “Hey Man, Quit Fartin’ On My Eyepatch” and “King Tut Put His Hand In My Butt”!!! They only recorded two albums as far as I know…and both are free from the band themselves. If you are a collector of refined taste such as myself, then these two albums are a must have!

My first encounter with STEAMING WOLF PENIS was reading a review of their movie “Jerkbeast” by Andy Copp. Andy Copp is a great indie filmmaker I have know for a few years, and he writes a blog on exploitation movies you should all check out. It’s a way better way to waste your time than reading my sorry ass blog any day, that’s for damn sure.

I can’t find Andy’s original review of “Jerkbeast”. I think it was on an old website he took down. But he didn’t like it. Not one bit. I remember that distinctly. And while I consider Andy Copp a great writer, and extremely knowledgeable about b-movies…him not liking something with such contempt is often a sign I will like it. I like what he likes, but also like what he hates. It’s what he’s indifferent about that I seem to hate. Its weird that way!

Anyway, “Jerkbeast” is based on the band, which had their own public access show. Basically, these two goons and this fucked-up monster answer the phone and insult whoever answers. A simple premise with hilarious results!!!

Here is a crappy quality clip from that show. You’ll get the idea:

So, based on that, they made a movie. Those three goons write the song “Looks Like Chocolate, Tastes Like Shit”, and it catches on big time. They then have to deal with a bunch of crazy fans and the trials and tribulations of being famous. Kind of an extremely foul mouthed “A Hard Day’s Night.” I think that was what it was about anyway.

I love this show. I love this movie. I love this band. I think this band might have actually caught on as a weird/raunch act if they had called themselves JERKBEAST instead of STEAMING WOLF PENIS…but I am sure calling themselves STEAMING WOLF PENIS caught them some notice. I know I noticed it. A true Catch 22!

Like I said, I truly enjoyed all facets of this multi-media diarrhea explosion. But my taste has always been suspect. Unlike Andy, I find this brand of asshole-ism very funny. Most people do not.

You can rent JerkBeast HERE. looks out-of-print…so you can at least reserve it on your queue. I’m sure you can find it if you look hard enough!

Truth About The Psycho Stand-In Revealed!!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on March 31, 2010 by johnkaryus

So much weirdness surrounds classic films. Its like they are too powerful to exist meerly on the screen. They leak and ooze into our public consciousness.

I never knew this weirdness about the body double/stand in from the Psycho shower scene. You learn a new one every day!! I love this movie with all my heart…sounds like somebody out there loved it even more!

From The National Enquirer, brought to my attention by filmmaker Donald Farmer

New investigation into the murder of Janet Leigh’s shower scene body double in Alfred Hitchock’s Psycho reveals amazing truth!

Despite late star Janet Leigh‘s contention she suffered psychologically for years after being butchered onscreen in the infamous shower scene in Psycho she never actually appeared in the scene. The nude body in which a knife appears to cut her savagely via the screeching violins of Bernard Hermann and cinematic editing was actually that of a body double.

A Dallas born stripper, Marli Renfro, an early Playboy bunny, had doubled for Leigh in the nude shower shots had all but disappeared until a 2001 Associated Press report. The story reported a 34 year-old handyman had been sentenced for raping and strangling her in 1988 but the case had gone unsolved for over a decade.

The AP report stated that Kenneth Dean Hunt, the handyman, had been convicted of “killing two women, including an actress who was a body double for Janet Leigh in the film Psycho”.

This actress was called Myra Davis; later press reports explained that this was Renfro’s real name.

But journalist Robert Graysmith who wrote Zodiac, the classic account of the 1970s serial killer who terrorized San Francisco, was intrigued by the varying accounts and coincidental dynamic of cinematic fiction and supposed fact.

Probing deep in the decades old mystery Graysmith made two discoveries: Renfro and Davis were two separate people; and more importantly Renfro was still alive.

In his new book The Girl in Alfred Hitchcock’s Shower, Graysmith reveals that while Renfro was Leigh’s body double in the shower scene, Davis was actually her lighting stand-in.

Graysmith alleged that Kenneth Dean Hunt was a Psycho obsessive who wanted to kill Leigh’s body double but got the stand-in by mistake.

“Everyone confused them – – even a murderer,” Graysmith revealed. “I discovered Marli was still alive.

“She’s been so busy‚Ķ living life to the full that she had no idea she was meant to be dead.”

Reprinted without permission, but since its a plug for everything mentioned, I’m pretty sure its ok.

I figured anyone reading this has seen Psycho a million times, and it would be redundant to put the shower scene or something here. So I found this fan made modern trailer for Psycho. Kinda cool if you’re bored enough:

Rob Schneider and The Weirdest Job Interview I Ever Had

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on March 26, 2010 by johnkaryus

I think everybody at this point knows that a couple years ago the economy took a huge dump. Not just a regular dump, but constipation that lasts a week until it finally explodes out your asshole so hard that it takes your intestines with it. A truly, nasty, inhuman shit that was a warning sign: this country was sick and needed a doctor.

California was hit particularly bad. If you remember, there was a writer’s strike going on around then, as well as an actor’s almost strike. Well these things all compounded to form a giant fiscal dick that sodomized my financial rectum. Hard. I was left broke as a joke.

I had no other choice but to look for a job. I had been in some way or form employed by the entertainment industry for about eight years. I had my ups and downs in those eight years…but at least I was steadily employed.

I began looking for work, starting with video stores first. I had experience, I worked at a video store when I was in college. I was actually a favorite among the customers because I knew so much about movies and could help them find pretty much anything based on the vaguest of descriptions. I had a genuine way with people, and didn’t really mind talking to all the weirdo customers who came into that place. I could recommend movies. I could work the cash register. I could alphabetize the shelves. At the old store, I was the only employee who dared alphabetize the adult section, but thats a whole ‘nother story!

Anyway, I applied to every video store, major chains, mom and pop, whatever, within reasonable driving distance. One Hollywood Video right down the road seemed a shoe-in, and I was good friends with one of the managers. A done deal. No sweat. Piece of cake.

Sure enough, they called me in. It wouldn’t be my friend the manager interviewing me, but her boss. I had about a million of these type of interviews in my college days, so I knew what to expect. I knew what questions they would ask, and what answers they were looking for. I would deliver these answers with confidence and a slight bit of non-dirty humor. Like I said earlier; piece of cake.

Boy was I wrong. After a brief introduction, the first question out of the interviewer’s mouth was, “If your life was a movie, what movie would it be?” Didn’t see that one coming. I was thrown for a loop. I assume visibly. My blood pressure rose. My eyes may have bugged slightly out of my head.

My mind was reeling. In a split second, my mind went through the plots of dozens of films. All the films I could think of that I could identify with the lead character were severely anti-authority and anti-establishment. Not the best thing to say to a potential employer of a minimum wage job. Either that or they were about somebody killing a whole mess of people for no apparent reason. Also not a wise move.

All this was in seconds, the way people in accidents describe their whole life flashing before their eyes. But what was flashing before my eyes were other people’s fictional lives. In a moment of either pure genius or pure lunacy, the title that came to my lips was “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo“.

Yup. A wacky Rob Schneider comedy about male prostitution is the example I gave to sum up my life at a job interview. Glad I ironed my shirt for that one. The interviewer gave me a very strange look. A look which read, “If I say what I am thinking right now, I’ll loose my job. But you, sir, are most definitely a fuck-up. I see no Hollywood Video employee of the month plaques on your wall anytime soon.” She laughed slightly, and then the inevitable question, “Why?”

That question was easy! Low and behold, honest to God…I had a reason for my answer! And a good one too!!!

“Throughout the movie, Deuce Bigalow has a job to do. And he does it against all odds. Also, throughout the movie, he meets a bunch of wacky misfits with hearts of gold. For whatever reason, these people are rejects from society, but are not bad people. The opposite in fact. Through somewhat self-deprecating antics, Rob Schneider kind of lets these people know they have a purpose. He validates them. And when the going gets tough in the end, Deuce Bigalow has built a solid group of friends he could count on. And they all pull together, they fix that guys apartment that Rob Schneider messed up, and ultimately save the day.”

I said that, with such confidence it felt like I had written it beforehand. The interviewer was taking interest, her shocked and bewildered expression changing to one of entertained disbelief. I continued, “I have always carried my life like that. I have always tried to find common ground with people, even if they are pretty different at first. I try to get their joke so to speak, and never let them feel like they are not part of mine. And while doing it, I still do the work. Even when the pressure is on, and an impossible task is at hand.”

The interviewer seemed impressed. She nodded in agreement. She gets it. I think she even liked my corny ass answer. The rest of her questions were pretty straight forward. “What do you do if you catch a customer shoplifting?” for example. Easy as pie.

For what its worth, I like “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo.” One of the reasons is actually the message I gave above. Another is because one of my favorite character actors, Richard Riehle gives one of his best performances as Deuce Bigalow’s dad. Another reason is because William Forsythe gives a performance with such intensity you would think he was trying out for a role in “There Will Be Blood.” But the main reason I like it is I really like dick and fart jokes. I like them a lot. And this movie has plenty of both.

I didn’t get that job by the way. I heard through the grapevine that it wasn’t my advocacy of very poorly reviewed comedies about man-whores that did me in, but because I seemed slightly nervous when upselling was brought up. Honesty kicks my ass every time!

I continued my Ramen Noodle diet for a couple more weeks, and then Target eventually hired me. They asked no weird questions during their interview.

Hausu (1977)

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on March 23, 2010 by johnkaryus

There’s this crazy Japanese horror movie Hausu made in 1977 by Nobuhiko Obayashi. Within the last year, it has gotten quite a reputation among horror film enthusiasts, hipsters, weirdoes and people who troll the internet looking for weird shit.

I had not heard of this movie. In fact, very, very few had. And when I saw the movie a week ago, I didn’t understand why…this…if anything…was a cult movie if I ever saw one. i keep my eyes turned to bootlegs, blogs about crazy movies, magazines, etc. and I had never heard of it until about a year ago. I guess this film was truly lost. Not lost the way Dennis Hopper’s “Last Movie” is lost…where people talk about it and if you look hard enough, you can find it. No, this was lost somewhere in time and space, perhaps fleeting back to the alternate dimension where it was made.

Anyway, my first experience with this movie was about a year ago, when somebody posted this clip on a web board I read. I immediately needed to see this film. And, just like that, Janus Films struck a new print, and it played at one of my favorite theaters, The New Beverly all last week!

That clip is just the tip of the iceberg. This movie is a level of pure weirdness that my brain cannot comprehend it. A bullet of sugar coated crack shot out of the screen and pierced my minds eye once and for all, rendering all motor functions useless. This film is impossible to describe, let alone discuss. But it must be seen. By all that is good and holy in the world…do yourself a favor and see this one. You’ll actually feel your sanity being flushed down the toilet while you sit there…and you will love every second of it!

Writing a review of this film is useless. You can’t describe the indescribable. All I can say is see it for yourself. Official website is HERE.

An Ode To Becca Grant (and I guess Throut and Neck)

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on March 10, 2010 by johnkaryus

The year was 1999. I was winding down on college, a class or two left to go. I didn’t have jack shit left to do except a couple random liberal arts classes. The time was ripe for hanging around with friends at ungodly times like 4am and watching the lowest of trash tv.

And Trash TV we did find. At around 3am, on the Game Show Network, came quite possibly the stupidest television show ever to grace the boob tube: “Throut and Neck“. And there’s a reason I called it “Boob Tube”…because of the hostess with the mostess Rebecca Grant!

Basically, this girl “Becca” would host this show in pig tails and the tightest of tight neon outfits. Her co-hosts were two computer generated monsters named Throut and Neck. These two fucks would crack really crappy jokes and puns while Becca kind of giggled and jiggled. Anyone watching this show was obviously a pervert or a moron or both. I was most definitely in that target audience. Someone so lazy they would lay there and watch this in bed, because they were too lazy to get up and go change the tape in the VCR to a porno and just get the job done. You would eventually be hypnotized by this show and pass out…or if you actually made it through, the informercial after would get you.

Oh, this was on the Game Show Network? Where was the game? Well…viewers would call in and get berated and mocked by these two computer animated dipshits. Often it would be frat type guys calling in and saying some lewd inneuendo for poor Becca, who didn’t seem to care. They would play a video game through the TV with their phone. The numbers on the phone would be the controls. I don’t quite understand how it worked, and I have a theory it actually didn’t.

I miss this show. It had hot babes, truly crappy jokes, a kind of neon surreal quality you can only find when you least expect it…on the Game Show Network at 4 am.

For a taste of this nonsense, and the bubbly Becca, check out this clip where some goon calls in and makes Becca mention his public access show on the air. And I thought my self publicity was bad:

And here is a clip which shows a little more of the show, including the trance inducing games:

I was introduced to this show by a friend of mine, who was pretty darn obsessed. Towards the end of the shows run, they had a write in contest where a viewer won Becca’s Silver Boots!! What would one do with those boots? Given the target audience of this show, probably masturbate with them and then put them on.

Anyway, my friend did his research, found out Becca’s favorite movie was Turk 182, and wrote some sort of essay about it. My friend WON!!! They read his essay on the air and cracked crappy lame jokes at his expense. He waited by his mailbox diligently, but he never got his boots. His fantasies about Becca’s footwear never to be made tangible. In dreams they remain. His poor, poor heart was broken. But I don’t blame Becca. I blame those rascally demonic pieces of shit Throut and Neck. They are probably still filling them with jizz in their demon realm 10 years later!


Rebecca Grant seems to be doing well these days, even without her boots. She has had some guest star roles on some TV shows, hosted a show about football called “Under the Helmut”. She was even in a Dr. Jekyll movie directed by John Carl Buechler!! And she is originally from my hometown of Buffalo, NY…which explains her shout out to the Sabres in one of the above clips!

HERE is her website. She no longer lists “Throut and Neck” on her resume.

Here’s some more if you really can’t get enough:

“Camera” a short film by David Cronenberg

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 10, 2010 by johnkaryus

David Cronenberg has always been one of my favorite directors. I think I share similar biological curiosities. I have been a fan of his before I ever even saw one of his films. The showed a commercial for “Videodrome” on TV when I was about 5 or 6. I saw that, didn’t understand it…and my parents told me THAT freaked me out more than anything else had before or since. But I was oddly obsessed with it.

I finally saw that movie when I was about 13 or 14. Still probably too young, but old enough to at least comprehend what the heck I was looking at. And I loved it… Theories of how the media was controlling our mind, forcing us to evolve somehow. All told in a horrific, gruesome biological nightmare. Still one of my all time favorites.

But this isn’t about that. There’s a lot written about Videodrome out there, so I will spare you. This is about “Camera” the short film I placed above.

I love this piece. I, like most others, first saw this as an extra on the Criterion version of “Videodrome”. That is a GREAT DVD by the way…a must for any collection. And one I might add should be in mine, if Mike Dispenza didn’t borrow it about a month before I moved across the whole country and not give it back. Not to drop a hint or anything….

Anyway, this short film perfectly captures a lot of Cronenberg’s themes, all in an under ten minute package. Horrors of technology taking over, fear of our own body destroying itself, and a fear of a new, superior generation taking over. Those kids figured out that old camera lickety-split!

I actually used to do this monologue at auditions. Around 2002 or so I guess. Yup, I memorized the whole damn thing. Did it pretty well too. I didn’t have to do it often, most of my stuff was comedy which I had a different monologue for, and it was pretty rare that they actually asked me to do a monologue anyway.

I have since realized this was a pretty poor choice. I broke not just one rule about audition monologues, but all of them. For one, the damn thing is like seven minutes long. Somewhere along the line, somebody clued me in that audition monologues are supposed to be under a minute. Two minutes at most. Oops! Second, you aren’t really supposed to get arty and weird with them…aim for the heart not the brain. Doh! Strike two bigtime. And finally, and this is a big one, a tale of a grim, burnt out actor in his 60s or 70s, that was anti-acting and anti-tv and anti-movies, told by someone in their mid-20s? While auditioning for TV and movies? Probably not the best idea I ever had.

But I will say this: I did get a couple roles out of it. Maybe not because I did that in particular, but they used me. I got a lot of “What The?” looks. And no one, not once, cut off my seven minute rant. They probably thought I was crazy. They were probably right.

Greatest Movie Extras of All Time!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 9, 2010 by johnkaryus

As a somewhat bogus actor living and working in Los Angeles, I sometimes make a buck or two by doing Background Extra work. You know, all those guys that walk around in the background, fill stadiums, etc. Basically, you fill out some paper work, hang out in a tent with a bunch of other freaks, occasionally walk by camera if they need you, and they pay you minimum wage. A little more if you’re union. Not a bad way to make sixty bucks. Beats panhandling and hooking!

I have always been a fan of weirdoes roaming in the background. Perhaps its my love of the Cantina scene in the original Star Wars, where all these goons hanging out there even got their own action figure! I’m estimating over 100 action figures have come from that scene alone over the years… Another great gathering of creatures is the meeting in Neverending Story. So much so, that I might write a whole blog just on those guys!!

Anyway, I will share my fascination with YOU! Here are some of my favorite movie extras in no particular order…

Catch Me if You Can: The guy who sits behind Tom Hanks on the airplane. Every time they cut back to that plane (its kind of a wrap around sequence for the flashback narrative), I just can’t take my eyes off that guy. This guy is a nerd. A straight up, awkward, dorky, bespectacled nerd from back in the days when nerd used to actually be an insult.

Twin Peaks: The guy who breakdances across the screen when they introduce the high school in the pilot episode. Hilarious…and adds to the dream like feel. His dance is sort of a sideways, slow motion worm. He’s about 14 years old (or maybe 18 to look younger), and I can just imagine him showing up on set and saying “look what I can do!” and then David Lynch saying…”Wow! let’s go for it.” Exceptionally bizarre entertainment.

Terror Firmer: Gotta have Troma in here somewhere! Nobody uses “Actor People” the way Troma does! But my favorite Troma Extra is the guy with a fish mask in “Terror Firmer”. For the life of me I can’t figure it out. Somebody told me it was an unused creature design for Dolphin Man, a character seen in Lloyd Kaufman‘s “Toxic Avenger 4.” Still…a fish man is always standing around in a group of mostly contemporary punk rockers. I cannot think of a more surreal image than that. I laugh every time I see it.

Revenge of the Nerds: That fucking douche that looks like Harpo Marx.

Satyricon: Would you believe excercise guru Richard Simmons is in Fellini‘s Satyricon? Supposedly. More info HERE.


Teen Wolf: This goes without saying…the guy who pulls his pee pee out!! How he got away with it on set, I have no idea. I’ve been on a set where an extra was fired just for looking into the camera too much. This guy somehow got away with ACTUALLY PULLING HIS PENIS OUT!! How they didn’t notice it in the footage when editting, I have no idea. How the movie became a very watched 80s classic, but nobody noticed for 20 years…classic!!


Look closely at the reaction of the woman in front of him…she looks not amused.

Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure: Amazing Larry. While I think this is a character and not an extra, the DVD states he was in an edited or possibly never filmed scene. But, in the theatrical version, he has no lines so I’ll through him out there anyway. The guy with the Mohawk who whispers to another guy at the town meeting. Pee-Wee responds with, “Do you have something you’d like to share with the entire group Amazing Larry?” Classic!!

The Mirror Has Two Faces: A Barbara Streisand movie on this list? Well…looks like horror director Eli Roth did some background work around 1996!!! I cannot think of two people more on the opposite sides of the spectrum than Eli Roth and Barbara Streisand. But it is true. Watch the clip below…big honking close-up at about 3:40.